Week 12: 'Til Death Do We Part

Let me first explain the title of this week's post…

In our culture, pretty much everyone says those words when they marry.

And it is the biggest sham of all.

In North America we have a divorce rate of 50%.

And that isn't to count all the affairs and separations that do not necessarily end in divorce.

So, obviously, people do not mean it when they say these words.

Or do they?

I believe that they believe they mean them.

Most of us know that feeling that pop-culture would have us call "love".

Butterflies in your tummy. Flushed cheeks. Heart pounding. Mouth dry. Sometimes tears in your eyes.

This is what people feel when they are dating. When they propose/are proposed to. When they say "I do" in front of all their loved ones.

But, my friends, I am about to blow you away.

This is not love.

I will say it again. This is not love!

I read once that "Love is friendship set on fire".

But I do not believe this to be true. Love is not a fire.

Because, guess what? Fires eventually burn out until there is nothing left.

And that is what happens to so many marriages that start based on this feeling of "love".

They burn out until both parties feel they have nothing left to give.

This is why divorce rates are so high.

Once the butterflies and the emotions dwindle away, once all the emotional highs have simmered down, people come to realize they are not happy in their marriages.

Some people chase this emotional high through affairs.

And it works. For a while.

But eventually that fire, too, will burn out.

I believe the first time I told my husband I loved him, that summer night three years ago, I was expressing my emotional feelings for him.

He didn't say anything in response that night.

But I fully believe that when he did say it back, he meant it.

He has always been more emotionally mature than me.

I am the type who cries at a sappy book or movie, when my baby girl laughed for the first time, when I watch my older daughter's reaction when she sees her favourite cartoon character as a toy on a shelf.

I know. Lame!

But that is just part of who I am.

As our marriage has grown over the past year, I have truly come to understand what it means to love my husband. I know it is corny to say, but I believe I love him more today than when we were first married.

Love is not an emotional high. It isn't butterflies in your tummy. It isn't a flame.

Love is putting another person's needs and wants above your own. It is a true appreciation of the other person. Love is in no way selfish.

Love comes with no regrets and no reserves.

Love is staying together until "death do you part".